


Sympathy for the Devil

by AdoxographicRamblings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abaddon - Freeform, Angels, Azazel - Freeform, Biblical References, Bonding, Comforting Sam Winchester, Confessional, Demons, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fallen Lucifer, Family, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Angst, Pining, Sam and Castiel bonding moment!, alistair - Freeform, lucifer feels?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2102409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdoxographicRamblings/pseuds/AdoxographicRamblings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is having a hard time meditating, and ends up stumbling on the bunkers telescope. One thing leads to another and Castiel uses the story of his brother Lucifer to try and help Sam mend his broken relationship with Dean. But Sam has some questions too, most notably ones about the relationship between Dean and the blue eyes angel. See end for notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sympathy for the Devil

 

Castiel was sitting on the cold tiled floor of the bunker looking out though the telescope. He had been feeling a bit lonely, and very tired even for an angel with a half failing grace, and had decided to pay a visit to the Winchester. They still were at odds, much to the angel’s displeasure, and Dean had only been stopping in to do research on Abaddon when Castiel had come. Castiel had almost left right then, sensing the tension and not wishing to add to it, but both brothers had immediately told him to stay. They seem to understand something was off with Castiel even though he hadn’t said anything. Dean had still left, but he had taken the time to talk to Castiel. Ask him how he was feeling, what he had been up too. He’d even made Castiel cheeseburgers, and though they tasted quite, well awful, now that every molecule assaulted his taste buds, Castiel still had greatly appreciated the gesture. Dean seemed to know without Castiel telling him so, that the angel needed the comfort. Even after these many years, Castiel found it was still so disconcerting that the boys could read him so well.

 

In this case, however, Castiel had been thankful for the Winchester’s uncanny intuition. He was just so very tired and overwhelmed. It had been such an unbelievable couple of months, the most shattering of Castiel’s very long life. Looking back, really it had started when Naomi dragged him out of purgatory. The many subsequent staggering events that came after, starting with the angel tablet in the crypt, and ending with the fall left Castiel feeling even more drained then the Leviathan had. And now the only two people Castiel really cared about were no longer speaking.

 

It made Castiel feeling immensely sad, and unsettled. The love between the two brothers was so sound that he wondered if that could be torn, then what else might be.

 

And the worst part was, Castiel didn’t that it could be fixed. Castiel recalled Sam’s face on the bridge that night, after he’d kicked Gadreel out of his body, when the boys had their “showdown.” Castiel was sure that he’d seen people as heartbroken as Sam was that day, but he couldn’t currently recall any. The look on Sam’s face when he had asked Dean about Kevin’s death. The mental image still made Castiel’s chest ache. And then, when Dean had said he’d “burn” for the prophet’s death.

 

Castiel had dove into hell to reclaims Dean soul, had his wings blacken in perdition for him, and the thought of Dean returning, of thinking he deserved to return, took Castiel’s breath away.

 

So here he was, staring out into the stars, feeling less rest _ful_ and more rest _less_ then when he’d entered the bunker.

 

Dean had left after dinner but perhaps that was just as well. Castiel needed to work on Sam’s healing, and the discourse between the two could hardly be helping the younger Winchester. Beside, Dean had seemed as off as Castiel felt. Violent and volatile as a bomb. So Dean had left, but the tension still remained in his wake. Sam had tried to talk with Castiel, hang out, as Dean would say, but it had been awkward to say the least.

 

That was probably Castiel’s fault. He had done little as far as friendly interactions with Sam went since he’d known him. Called him cruel things over the years, and whereas he’d always tried answered Dean’s prayers, he had elected to ignore many of Sam’s. Perhaps it was the “profound” bond between Castiel and Dean, but if Castiel were being true to himself, it also had to do with Castiel being unable to forgive Sam’s past sins. Completely unfair, seeing as Castiel had committed far more atrocities then the young man since they’d known each other, yet Castiel was unable to let go.

 

Well, _had,_ been unable to let go.

 

After he’d become human, Castiel had understood emotions like never before. And the emotion that stood out most was regret. Pure and agonizing, it had branded Castiel’s soul like no other, left him his stomach in knots and his heart aching. Even though Castiel had regained his grace, he could still recall that pain. And if Castiel felt like that even now, he could only imagine what Sam had been living with all his short life.

 

The thing was, Castiel didn’t know how to bring this up with the younger Winchester. He was greatly lacking in people skills, and conversing did not come to him easily. He’d tried to engage Sam in friendly conversation, warm him up to heavier topics, but Sam had quickly relocated to his room. Castiel was disappointed, but it wasn’t like Sam was being unfair. So Castiel had given up for the moment. He would be around for some time while he worked to healed Sam, so maybe Castiel could attempt his apologies later. Maybe he could even find a way to fix things between his two boys.

 

So being left with his thoughts and unable to meditate, Castiel had wandered his way through the bunker into the library.

 

When he first saw the red curtain at the end of the room, Castiel had thought it was a stage. His curiosity had gotten the best of him, so he went to investigate and had been surprised instead to find an old but powerful telescope.

 

The stars were beautiful. Castiel understood why humans had referred to the night sky, its galaxies and nebula, as the heavens. Though Castiel must say, that if the stars were beautiful from Heaven, they were breathtaking from Earth. All-encompassing and blindingly bright, they reminded Castiel of souls.

 

The floor was cold beneath Castiel’s legs, and he briefly wondered why the men of letters had set the telescope so close to the ground. He questioned if the heightened sense of temperature was due to his borrowed grace, but he didn’t feel like dwelling on that at the moment.

 

He repositioned the telescope to view upon Vega and Antinous. They were the stars associated with him, and he liked to check in on them every now and again. It was much harder seeing as he could no longer watch them from heaven so Castiel was glad to have found the telescope. They blazed luminous in the realm of Capricorn, and seeing the vivid suns brought Castiel at least some inner peace.

 

“Cas?”

 

Castiel was startled out of his musings and he looked up to see Sam standing near him, at the edge of the curtain. The hunter was yawning as he pulled his arms in an around his torso. He was shivering Castiel noticed, frowning slightly.

 

“Sam, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

 

“Naw” Sam shivered again “I was coming to get some water and I noticed the lights in the library were on.”

 

“Oh.” Castiel wasn’t sure what to say next, and he felt the pause grow awkwardly long.

 

“So uh, Cas man, what are you doing?” Sam asked, thankfully breaking the heavy silence before moving to stand beside the angel.

 

“Nothing important. “Castiel answered, “Just, looking at the stars.” He gestured vaguely upwards.

 

“Oh?” Sam followed Castiel’s figures, glancing at the ceiling before taking a seat next to him, meeting the angel’s eyes. “Just, because?”

 

“They bring me…comfort,” “Castiel admitted, breaking the hunter’s stare. “They remind me of home.”

 

“Hey, that alright, it’s good to seek comfort now and again.” Sam smiled, “What are you looking at right now?”

 

“I was looking at my guiding stars, but as of right now, I was turning it on the Morning Star. The plant Venus, as it’s known you humans.”

 

“Morning Star huh? As in like Lucifer?” asked Sam.

 

Castiel sighed before continuing. “Yes, as in Lucifer. He was called so by our Father because he shone brightest of any being in heaven, in all creation. Humanity had referred to Venus by his name because it too, shone brightly in the night sky.” Castiel squinted before finishing “And then later, because it’s visible till the late morning.”

 

Sam nodded in understanding. Castiel cocked his head, thinking for a moment before starting, “Sam, can I…can I ask you a question?”

 

“You uh you just did, but sure.”

 

“If I were to tell you I mourned, well even now sometimes, mourn my brother Lucifer, would you call me a bad person? If I admitted that I care for him even after all the pain he has caused, would you hate me for it?”

 

Sam frowned, “Well you aren’t a person, but no, and I wouldn’t call you a bad angel either, I guess. And of course I wouldn’t hate you for it.”

 

“Why? Lucifer fell, he brought destruction and murder and pain to humanity. He created demons. And what he and Michel did to you is unforgivable. ”

 

“Well I mean, I don’t really know how close you guys were, and don’t get me wrong Cas, your brothers are dicks, but I mean I guess I get where you are coming from. You love him in spite of it because he was your…”Sam finished softly

 

“Brother?” Castiel supplied hopefully, be before looking at his hands.

 

“What are you getting at here Cas? That’s.” Sam groaned “Cas, Buddy, me and Dean aren’t like you and freaking Lucifer.” Sam made a face “I’m not going to compare what Dean did to Satan, but you have to at least understand where I am coming from right? He betrayed me, he keeps betraying me, and lying and.” Sam turned to him and Castiel’s felt that ache in his chest once again when he saw the pain gracing the hunter’s face. “If I hadn’t said yes, I wouldn’t have, Kevin.” Sam’s looked turned to one of anger as his features hardened, his mouth becoming a thin line. “Kevin wouldn’t be dead.”

 

Castiel looked up sharply. “Sam, Dean was right when he said that’s not on you. No one can be blamed for things done while possessed.”

 

“Yeah when they’re possessed by a demon Cas. They don’t get a choice, they are forced to do whatever the demon makes them. But me? I had to say yes Cas, I said yes. And the only reason I said yes, was because I trusted Dean.”

 

Sam ran his hand up his face and through his hair in an act Castiel had come to associate with frustration. Castiel continued to watch the man in silence, fearing pushing him to hard would end the conversation. “Where were you even trying to go with that analogy anyway? I mean, even at his darkest, Dean’s just about the opposite of an antichrist.” It seemed as though Sam was attempting to redirect the conversation away from Gadreel.  

 

Castiel laughed a little before admitting sheepishly, “I’ve never said anything because I feared it wasn’t my place, but honestly? Though you and Dean are Lucifer’s and Michael’s true vessels respectively, Dean had often reminded me of Lucifer at times. And I don’t mean because he’s violent or cruel, nothing like that. But, before he fell, Lucifer was, different.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, for example, he was kind? I know it hard to believe, but he was, to us. Especially with us seraph, his “younger brothers.” We were the first angels to be created after the archangels and Lucifer took us under his wing, for lack of a better term.”

 

Moving out fully from underneath the telescope, Castiel stretched his legs out a bit. He looked out into the glow of the library, the lights making him squint, and gathered his thoughts, before he continued.

 

“You know I’ve never met my Father. Really the archangels, Metatron and Joshua are the only ones who’ve ever seen his face or talked to him in anyway. When I think back to who raised me it is Lucifer and Michael and occasionally Gabriel, who really come to mind. They gave us orders and taught us all that we weren’t already gifted the knowledge of and cared for us before the Rit Zien. But while Michael was, difficult may be the best word here, to deal with, and Gabriel rarely around, Lucifer was patient. If an angel needed guidance, it was Lucifer we turned too. He was to me, much like Dean was to you. In loco parentis. And because he was there we didn’t often feel the pain of an absent Father, much like Dean kept the true nature of your father from you.”

 

“But then” Castiel’s face darkened, “then God created you. The hairless apes, my garrison used to call man. Many of us, myself most of all, were in awe of mankind. The way you evolved, became these strange yet stunning creatures. How unyielding and brave you were though you had none of the strength and power we did. Even, in the ways you were flawed, because it was such a strange concept to us. Many, like myself, were more than willing to be your servants. Protect and guide, not just because He had made you, but because we loved you for all your faults. But Lucifer, he just couldn’t see your beauty. And when God asked us to love you more than Him, Lucifer just couldn’t do it.

 

“Forgive me if this analogy is in poor taste,” Castiel said, not looking at Sam, choosing instead to gaze out past the library into the map room, “But it would have been much like your father asking Dean to love your bastard brother Adam more then he loved you, no questions asked. Sure you three shared the same dad, but Dean knew you, cared for you, protected you, and in you’d have to give him more than one day to turn that kind of love off.”

 

Castiel sighed.

 

“But that’s not the only reason God cast Lucifer out. I choose to believe even He is not that absolute. No, after refusing to serve humanity, Lucifer snuck into the garden and attempted to damn them as well.”

 

Sam creased his forehead in confusion. “You know Cas, I never really understood that part of the bible. If the Garden is God’s throne room, how did Adam and Eve end up there?”

 

Castiel laughed. “That” he said, shaking his head and smiling “was a mistranslation. Not all prophets were as, shall we say, thorough as Chuck was you know. That’s how you humans end up with ideas like homosexuality is a sin, or that tattoos will get you sent to hell. No, humans, as I’ve mentioned, are flawed, and because they were well, human, the prophets often added their own flair to the bible. Many “sins” are just ideas or actions that the prophet found displeasing so he decided to add it in as a sin.”

 

“Didn’t you guys have like, a holy spell check or something?” Sam asked.

 

Castiel continued to grin “No, but maybe we should have. Anyway, the story of Adam and Eve it is much different than you think. When Lucifer took the appearance of the snake and snuck past Gadreel and his flaming sword into the garden, it was he who ate of the forbidden fruit. And the fruit of that damned tree gave him the knowledge of how to corrupt and blacken the human soul, the most beautiful thing Father had ever created”

 

Castiel looked at Sam expectantly, as though he should have put two and two together by now.

 

“Sooo you’re saying-“

 

“He learned how to make demons.” Castiel finished. “Lilith, that delightful beast, was Adam’s first wife you know. It was her heart that Lucifer twisted into the first demon. And she committed many atrocities before the people of her village managed to cast her down.”

 

“Well after that, my Father had had enough. He ordered Michael to cast out Lucifer, to banish him to the cage, before he could wreak anymore havoc on mankind. And so Michael did. But not before the greatest war Heaven has ever seen broke out. And when he fell, Lucifer took over a third of the entire heavenly host with him. Over a third of my brothers and sisters who believed he was right, choose to follow a loving older brother over a father they’d never even seen. And like Lucifer their damnation was swift and terrible. And they were cast out too.”

 

Castiel stood suddenly stretching his legs which ached much to his displeasure. The borrowed grace was clearly failing him.

 

The story drug up bad memories. Many of the angels in Lucifer army had been Castiel’s friends before their fall. Castiel only hoped that the story taught Sam something.

 

“You know Sam, there is a reason angel blades can kill demons.”

 

“And why is that Cas?”

 

“Because most of the original demons were angels. After they fell, their hearts slowly twisted in hell, so far from home and from our Father. Their graces burned out, and they became, these dark nefarious beings. Both Abaddon and Alistair as well as Azazel were angels you know. High ranking members in Lucifer’s rebellion and powerful seraph, many ranks above me, prior to the fall.”

 

Sam blanched at that.

 

“A-abaddon? That crazy bitch was an angel? And Alistair, as in the demon that tortured Dean until he broke Alistair? And don't even get me started on Azazel! Why didn’t you ever tell us this Cas? I”

 

Castiel had the decency to blush. “It never was brought up, nor did it ever pertain to anything.” He mumbled, “And also because it’s a bit, embarrassing. It’s a great shame to angels you, know. We don’t like to talk about it. Most demons that weren’t a part of that first fall, don’t even know about their many leaders more angelic beginnings.”

 

“Well I guess you learn something new every day.” Sam noted, and nodded a bit at that before wondering if the archives contained any of this information. He’d have to check in the morning.  

 

“In any case even after all those sins, even with all his wickedness, I still morn my older brother. He cared for me, in a way my Father never had. And I don’t believe that he was totally wrong, as terrible of a sin it is to admit it. In his feelings about the humans I mean. Because while I loved you so easily, I never knew Father, so it wasn’t hard for me to put you before him. Lucifer was the favorite son, it was completely different.”

 

Castiel took a breath before adding “And even after all of that, there were time I was almost ready to forgive him. At least in my heart if not out loud.”

 

“And if I can almost forgive my brother, who is literally, may I remind you, the devil, maybe you can at least consider forgiving your brother, who only did what he did because he loved you more than anything else in all creation. As mislead and dumb as it might have been, it because his only reason for existing is you Sam Winchester. I envy a love that powerful, and it’s not something you can just toss aside so easily.”

 

Sam tensed at first but then seemed at a loss after that, and Castiel was content to let him sit with his thoughts. Castiel cleared his throat and Sam offered him a sip of his water. Castiel took it thankfully. This dying grace was getting to him, but he wouldn’t burden the Winchesters with it, not on top of everything else.

 

“Hey Cas, if I ask you something personal, do you promise not to freak out?”

 

Castiel was caught off guard for a moment. He’d bore his heart for the younger Winchester, he didn’t understand how much more “personal” one could get. Besides, as Dean had often pointed out, Castiel had little clue when it came to social norms. He’d more than happily answer Sam’s question. But he was willing to humor the hunter so he said,

 

“Of course Sam, I will not “freak out” as you say. I promise.”

 

“Cas, are you….Cas, do you love Dean.”

 

Castiel was surprised. It wasn’t anywhere in the realm of questions he’d expected. “What lead you to this conclusion Sam.?”

 

“You know man.” Sam seemed frustrated again. “The way you are there for each other, the way you fight for each other, those looks. I hate to tell you this Cas, but a person doesn’t stare into another person’s eyes for that long unless they there’s something there.”

 

“And what, may I ask, are my eyes conveying?”

 

“Adoration Cas? Pure yearning? Love? I don’t know pic one.” Sam shook his head. “I’m not going to judge you, so just tell me, do you love my brother?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Castiel surprised himself with how sure he’d answered and Sam, too, appeared shocked at how sure Castiel sounded.

 

 

“How long…” Sam let the question die on his lips, but Castiel answered him anyway.

 

“That is a difficult one Sam. If I really search, I’ve loved Dean since I pulled his soul from the pit. When I first laid hands on him, was when I was lost.”

 

Castiel stopped. He was unsure how to explain himself to Sam, but he tried again.

 

“Sam, Dean’s soul is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my existence. I’d never seen one as pure and radiant as his, even after so many years in hell, and I believe I fell in love with his soul right in that moment.”

 

Sam remained silent through Castiel’s confession, but that was ok, for Castiel wasn’t done speaking.

 

“And then I met him. I grew to know the gruff yet kind man he was, and I slowly fell in love with him in that way as well. How hard he fought for his beliefs. He never does things halfcocked does he? “Castiel smiled.  “He protects fiercely, he fights fiercely, and he loves fiercely.”

 

Castiel swallowed heavily.

 

“And-and he is loved fiercely in return. And then this beautiful soul, this righteous man, took it upon himself to save me, a useless, doubting seraph, as I’d saved him. I may have raised him from perdition, but Dean released me from the chains heaven had shackled me with. And I got to be _free_ Sam. And so I grew to love him more.”

 

“And whereas my brothers condemned me for all the pain I caused, for every brutal mistake, Dean always, always fought for me, even when I least deserved it. Even after the Leviathan, even after Naomi, even after this fall, he has protected and guided me.”

 

“But still with all of that, looking back I did not truly know what I felt for your brother until my brief time as a human. As an angel our emotions are, muted. It is much like having someone speak to you underwater. You may understand what they are saying but there is no clarity. As a human? There was nothing but painful, sharp clarity, and for that brief time I felt what love truly was. It was hot, and bright, and so agonizing…But so very wonderful as well. And when I first saw Dean after the reaper, when Gadreel brought me back? I could no longer see his soul as I once had, but he was still so lovely and then I knew just how far I’d truly fallen, and I didn’t even care. I still don’t”

 

Sam watched as Castiel gave a sad smile.

 

“But none of this matter, for Dean does not return my feelings, nor will I burden him with them” Castiel said, cutting Sam’s attempt to argue. “Even if he did, due to pressures on him both by your society, and your father’s upbringing, Dean would not be willing to love me in this form. He has not yet come to accept his ability to find love in all places, regardless of gender, and I shall not force him. That would do more harm than good.”

 

“Besides, I am happy knowing that I can at least watch over him, and keep him safe. That will be enough. It will have to be enough.”

 

Sam stood up at this and walk over to meet Castiel by the table he currently stood at.

 

“Cas, I’m going to make you a deal.” Sam began.

 

“What kind of deal” Castiel said suspiciously “I do not like deals.”

 

Sam laughed. “No not a deal like that Buddy, a promise. I promise to consider looking at the situation through Dean’s eyes, if you promise to consider telling him how you feel. I know you think he doesn’t return your feelings, but Cas, I’m not so sure that’s true. The way he looks at you, it’s not like anything I’ve ever seen from him. And even after all he’s done, I want him, and you, to be happy. Or as happy as you can be living our lifestyle.”

 

“You cannot tell him what I’ve admitted.” Castiel warned.

 

“Cas man, I wouldn’t do that. It’s your confession, you tell him when you’re ready. Just, you know, think about it. I won’t force your hand or anything. I promise. So what do you say Cas, is it a deal?” Sam held out his hand and Castiel realized, somewhat belatedly, Sam was looking for a handshake.

 

Castiel took his hand.

 

“Ok Sam, it’s a deal.” Sam smiled then let out a laugh.

 

“If only Lucifer could see you now, in love with a human, and a Winchester at that!”

 

The thought made Castiel shudder before laughing too.

 

“Anyway, we should get some rest. Night Cas. Try and get some sleep or whatever it is you angels do. I didn’t want to say anything but dude, you don’t look so hot.”

 

Castiel nodded. “Ok Sam, sleep well.”

 

Castiel watched Sam’s large frame disappear around the corner before he turned to sit down by the telescope once more. He felt much better. Now that Castiel had open up friendly conversation after that discourse between him and Sam, he could attempt to mend the damage he’d caused. Perhaps tomorrow, he would try and apologies to the man.

 

Looking out at Venus, Castiel couldn’t help himself as his thoughts drifted to a certain greened eyed hunter. Castiel thought on what Sam had said. What if Dean did return his feelings? The mere possibility, it warmed Castiel to his core and he groaned, dropping his head into his hands.

 

Just as Lucifer, he loved the wrong person too much.

 

He’d well and truly fallen. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've said this before, but I should say it again. Most of the biblical references come from my years in the Catholic Church as well as Catholic school and the study of Christianity. I have tweaked many biblical stories to fit my head cannon. I apologizes for any offence. However the comments of Azazel, Alistair, and Abaddon are true.


End file.
